"The secret to building confidence in women is to fail quickly!"
"The secret to building confidence in women is to fail quickly!"
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| The secret to building confidence in women is to fail quickly! |
A woman who has the ability to vs an overconfident man, who will win? When you blame God for being unfair, the cruel truth is: You are the biggest stumbling block to yourself, and everything is a curse that lacks confidence. !
We have a male friend who is a network genius and entrepreneurial master. When we asked him how women should build confidence, he threw us four words: Hurry and fail.
We laughed, thinking that it is best! At that time, we just started a research trip and still felt that seeking failures runs counter to the habits of women. We undoubtedly hate failure. "Hurrying to fail" means that we are not doing enough, not perfect. Looking back now, when we first heard his advice, it really shook.
However, he is not joking. "Fast failure" is a well-known statement in the technology industry, and it is a hot strategy in the corporate world. The principle behind it is to present many test prototypes at once, to test quickly, to leave good, and to eliminate bad ones. In today's world, there is no time to wait for perfection. It takes too much time to continuously improve the product. It is too expensive to burn, and as soon as possible, it can be adjusted continuously, retested, and quickly find a suitable approach. The advantage is that if you fail quickly (or fail early), the loss will be much smaller, often just a little failure, rather than a big one. In addition, many lessons can be learned from failure.
We believe that "failed to fail" is an ideal way for women to build confidence. First of all, this sounds more interesting than a simple failure. We are not saying that failure is "good for the body and mind", but this concept is indeed beneficial to people. In addition, a slight failure can actually be dealt with. We must repeat failures and let failures become part of the genes. If we face a small failure in three or five, we will not think about our shortcomings and the worst plans, but will take action instead of just rigorously analyzing the combat plan. If we believe that failure is equal to progress, we can spend time on another important confidence skill: proficient in certain abilities.
After adopting the practice of quick failure, we will make better use of time and no longer have to be obsessed with everything, and it can take a lot of effort. We should remember that in the long run, it is not the strongest species that can survive, but the most adaptable species.
Shortly after we talked to the tech fan friend, Claire decided to give his suggestion.
"I always wanted to try something," she said. "That is an impromptu speech. Without a cheat sheet, it’s right, just like Oprah, Alan Dijani and Clinton. I thought so. Speak better, interact more with the audience, and show more energy. The idea of failing quickly makes me want to let go. I certainly don't want to fall, so I only leave half of the speech for a temporary play, and the result is to fill the gap. Time is really terrible, and honestly I am not very good at speaking. The speech is finished, but it is said to be infinite, often paused, and I am not sure if I have the right points. But I know that I can’t completely prepare for the draft. I want to try the old tricks of CNN live shows, that is to help me by listing a few keywords."
There is also a very important concept: confidence is about action. Confidence also depends on repeated efforts, moderate risk-taking, and changing the original thinking. Unfortunately, you can't just be like a grandmother, just straighten your waist and straighten your skirt, you can easily become confident. Some wise sayings are useful, but they have to be used in conjunction with other practices.
The latest research proposes several comprehensive suggestions that help build confidence. It is quite interesting and even counterintuitive. Many methods have not been heard before, and to be honest, they are not considered useful before the actual trial, but they do work. Now we have picked out a few of the best methods, especially those that can be used in everyday life. Pick something that you are interested in.
Ways to build confidence: Get out of the comfort zone
If you ask the most important concept of "confidence password", our answer is: let go, be brave.
All the studies we've read, and all the interviews we've completed, point to the same conclusion: The best way to build confidence is to take action, preferably with risk and failure. Adventure life will be able to live up to life and increase confidence. In contrast, the comfort zone that is sure to be sure of everything will only lead to boring and boring. Actions can eliminate weakness and stimulate courage.
Let's start with a simple place. If you don't dare to meet new friends, start with a small place: hand the salsa and the potato chips to the party at the party, then introduce yourself; in the dry cleaners, don't be afraid to contact strangers and take the opportunity to talk. If you don't dare to go to the party yourself, you may wish to try this trick: first find a small party with friends to attend, and tell the organizer that you will participate, so as not to be temporarily deterred, then take the courage to go on the day, don't retreat halfway, wait Come to the scene, find a group of two or three, introduce yourself, chat and ask questions, focus on their answers, don't distract, this helps to forget that you are alone. If you dare not ask for promotion, first seek a trusted friend to practice, and ask which five aspects have contributed to the department. Take a few steps before you can start a more meaningful adventure. This is called an exposure technique.
For many women, the adventure is not to go to the sea, but to allow themselves to be imperfect, courageously face the interpersonal discomfort, and learn to be uncomfortable when the audience pays attention. After the exercise is successful, you can face even greater challenges: question the opinions of colleagues, do not back down when the other party rebuts; participate in music performances; strive for job opportunities that seem to be unavailable.
The most important actions and risks sometimes do not involve specific actions at all, and are not related to the speeches of the meeting, nor to the application for a new position. We see from the most confident women that making timely decisions and taking responsibility is an important indicator of self-confidence. Hudson previously explained to us the importance of making decisions. She believes that even if something goes wrong, it still has to make decisions. After all, it is better than no decision.
What is the worst result once you step out of the comfort zone? That's right, let's go back to what we discussed earlier: You might fail.
Beth Wilkinson is good at making quick decisions and taking risks. Previously, she served as the assistant prosecutor of the US District Court, assisting the federal prosecution of the Oklahoma bombing master McVeigh, and later won many difficult lawsuits and became a hot and well-known lawyer. However, sometimes she will fail. On a Sunday morning we met at Starbucks, and she admitted that she often encountered small failures because she had to make many decisions quickly. She shrugged and said, "I learned a lot." An early failure made her benefit a lot. At that time, she had just been on her own side and took over several cases. Once she wanted to make a perfect statement in the court session, she read the manuscript in the court instead of remembering it. Afterwards, she inadvertently heard a male lawyer criticizing her performance, very uncomfortable, but she did not fall into trouble for too long, but after careful consideration, he thought he was justified. "That was a turning point for me," she said. "It's better to spend more time talking to the jury than to make a statement. I really learned a lot. Later, the link statement will not be read." It's a great example of a rapid failure with a growing mindset. Act, learn, and move on.
Making mistakes does help accelerate growth and may also provoke a positive trait: self-sympathy. Studies have shown that self-compassion can form a strong emotional safety net, which is much more effective than traditional self-esteem. The focus of self-sympathy is to accept your weaknesses. Rather than saying "I am not a loser", it is better to say "Yes, it will inevitably fail, and everyone will fail, no big deal." It’s easy to be kind to a friend, but it’s hard for yourself, but self-compassion is about accepting one’s imperfections.
If you are too risky and have a hard time, your life may change. "My most confident moments happen to be the most unconfident moments," one friend told us, because she had to find confidence at the end to end her marriage that lost her confidence. She is still very young, living in South Africa, separated from her family by thousands of miles, regardless of social concept or the atmosphere of the times against divorce, she is worried that if she gives up a stable marriage, she may be rebellious and economically embarrassed, but this marriage makes her very unhappy. A few decades later, she still remembers the day when she had the confidence and courage to leave, and she remembered that her husband stuffed her clothes into the garbage bag and threw it out of the apartment window. "I only left with those two plastic bags, and I still remember on my way to my friend's house: "I will never let myself fall behind again." This is the hardest decision I have ever made, but It also gave me great confidence. At that time, I thought, "Well, if I can get through this level, there will be nothing I can't do under the sun."
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| The secret to building confidence in women is to fail quickly! |
To put it simply, when it comes to confidence, the brain is simply against women. We are too fond of thinking about the East and screaming at the corner. However, if you think about it and can't solve the problem, you can't bring confidence. On the contrary, it often hurts us to make up our minds and always falter. Indeed, the brains of men and women are different, and our brains are more sensitive to the surrounding, which are all part of our cognitive system. It is a pity that over-thinking is detrimental to confidence. I think that solving problems is actually just worrying. All kinds of negative thoughts are constantly turning around in my mind. We are trapped in all kinds of distractions, and we are not able to concentrate on the present and cannot believe in intuition. Gradually unable to make a decision in life and the workplace. We must stop thinking too much.
This is not easy. Even neurosciences can't do it sometimes. Pettito is a master of cognition and neuroscience. He has many major discoveries in language roots. He led a well-known laboratory with the support of Galilee University and the National Institutes of Health to explore brain and language development and to create neuroscience. The new school, which won more than 20 international awards, even studied with a chimpanzee named Nim, made a documentary and was nominated for an Oscar. We went to the lab to visit her. She warmly received us. The whole person was full of energy, curiosity, and wearing a bright orange-purple costume. We saw that she was a very confident person. However, she said that although she knew that she was capable, she always magnified the shortcomings, such as fear of speaking on stage. She has had a bad habit for many years. On the way home from the lab, she will list a long list of her own missing. This is her psychological presupposition mode. "I can do better." She might tell herself, "I should play a better standard than to be nervous when I speak on stage."
Recently she is determined to change. Now whenever she falls into a negative mode and starts thinking about it, she will try to respond and turn back to her own achievements, and cite three things that are doing well. "I recently wrote a good paper." Now she may think like this. "I finished the lab report faster than I expected. I am doing well with the new Boban students."
This kind of thought training can reshape the brain, break the negative thinking cycle, and may not be immediate, but usually it can bring about changes in thinking and behavior after a few weeks. First, you must be keenly observing the relationship between your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and understanding how the three interact with each other. This is a basic cognitive behavioral therapy. Here we share a little exercise that can be done by ourselves, which helps to understand the connection between ideas and actions:
Imagine a terrible thing at work, such as a colleague rolling his eyes when he is doing a briefing.妳 Repeat and imagine, and pay attention to what it feels like to start: you will be anxious, nervous, and angry. This feeling is not so good? Now, in turn, imagine a good thing happening at work, such as suddenly getting extra bonuses. The briefing just disappeared, and now I’m going to pay attention to what it feels like to start.
The idea directly affects the mood. Even if nothing happens, the mind still responds.
The third way to build confidence: from "I" to "we"
You may think that focusing on yourself will definitely help to increase confidence, but it is not. That's right, it's not, especially for women. If we are very concerned about our feelings and abilities, we often review ourselves and focus on ourselves. Instead, we must tie our hands and tie our feet. Imagine this situation, you will understand what we mean: If you encounter an emergency, you must quickly rescue a child, what will happen? Because of the time constraints, there is no tension, no discretion, no stop to ask if I can do it, I don’t want to review CPR, but I rush straight ahead, completely focusing on saving lives and acting quickly. No hesitation.
Now apply the same thinking to the challenges that you face. For example, I am going to talk about an important business. At first, I feel that I have to think twice about it. I have to think about it from all angles and prepare for it. This should help: In the long run, how will it affect the image? How to talk forward and fall, what kind of weather should be dressed up, and what kind of unexpected situation should be dealt with. However, this is not the best approach. What you should do is get ready and focus on how to help your team win. In this way, you can let go of your courage, calm down, and focus on the pendulum.
Dr. Dillaceae, a professor of psychology at Ohio State University, found that women are suitable for us. Young girls who graduate from college tend to have weak confidence, but if they don’t want to prove themselves, they will do things for their colleagues or companies, and confidence will increase unexpectedly. She came up with a good trick from this research, which helped to overcome the tension in the speech, that is: divert attention. You may wish to tell yourself that you are representing the entire team, or on behalf of the company, or speaking for others, not for yourself. If necessary, you can adjust the statement slightly. This method is simple and practical, and helps to shift your attention from yourself to others, thereby enhancing confidence.
Senator Lu Tianna relied on similar arguments to persuade other women to run for election. She reminded them that the election is not for themselves, but for the people who need protection. "As long as you understand that the election is not for yourself, you can become strong and move toward the goal, especially for women," she said.
Ways to build self-confidence: Knowing a lot of things is actually "unrelated to the individual"
If you understand that others are not so careful, it is much easier to shift your attention from "I" to "we". Because of misunderstanding and narcissism, we can easily think that no matter what you do, whether it is success or failure, everyone will notice. However, it is not the case that most people are too busy with their own affairs, and they have no time to do nothing. I mistakenly think that it is not only ridiculous that everyone is paying attention, but also ruining confidence. If you don't choose to go to work, or make mistakes in front of customers, don't think that everyone will make fun of it for weeks, they won't do it, and they have long forgotten.
When you really encounter difficulties at work, you need to know that the focus is on the work itself, not on embarrassment. If the case that the supervisor is doing is to be strengthened, don't think it is for the individual. If a colleague asks faceless how the weekend is going, don't think the other person is suggesting that he will work overtime this weekend. If we think so, it is really arrogant:
"She must be angry because I didn't use her advice."
"He definitely thinks I am stupid because I haven't arranged the meeting yet."
At this time, let's put an alternative idea to play:
"In the words, she told him that he would open four meetings today, and he would not care about this."
Sometimes comments and criticism are really directed at individuals. In some industries, criticism is commonplace. For example, performers are often viewed.
"In the theater, you will be criticized from head to toe, regardless of eyebrows, earlobes, clothing and make-up. It can be crazy," said opera singer and vocal coach Chrissellene Petropoulos. No one mentions that the shortcoming refers to death. I used to think that it was personal to me, so I am so sad that I will collapse. The commander may say: "You can't sing at all." Or say: "The fat is like only Elephant." Then I feel like my God!"
Petro Pross found that looking at criticism in this way would worsen his performance. She began to study the effects of stress on the vocal cords and was shocked. Later she became a teacher who criticized her skills, not the value of criticizing her.
Today she is a popular coach, and the focus of teaching is not only on singing skills, but also on confidence. She told students (many of them children) to recite a long list of answers so they could know how to face criticism.
Criticism: Your hair style is bad today.
Answer: Thank you for your advice. Or, thank you for your attention.
Criticism: You are singing again with your nose. Don't sing like this, it's hard to hear.
Answer: Thank you for correcting me, I try to change.
Criticism: This clothing is not qualified.
Answer: What do you think I should wear? Or how can I change?
Petro Pross said that young students may snicker and feel that the answer is strange, but in the long run, they will gradually pay attention to how they receive criticism and how to deal with it. Claire found that when she heard the criticism, she should not rebel, but first thanked her, and helped her not to think that the other party was criticizing her.妳 You can list various responses according to your needs: Thank you for your criticism. I am very grateful to you for saying so.
If you think that the other person is quite specific to you, you may wish to take a look at the reality and it will help. I remember that many people face the same dilemma as they do, and too many uncontrollable factors can affect our workplace performance. "I suddenly realized that with confidence, I am glad that I finally learned this, that is: "This perspective can help me understand some of the obstacles I am facing."" Grace said, "It is like saying another thing:" I can't handle this thing well, not because I don't have the ability, but because I didn't learn how to do it. Sometimes it's not because I'm not active enough, or I made a mistake."
She said that it is clear that there is a prejudice in the workplace, which is quite helpful in eliminating self-questioning and is especially effective for young women. When the next time I made a briefing to the executive committee of the company, there might be fourteen men and two women sitting around the table. At this time, it should be understood that less confidence is a normal reaction, and some external forces can master. . This understanding will help you to move on and not blame yourself for being nervous. This does not mean that you always think about the injustice in the workplace, and you should never give up. You should never complain, but understanding the reality of the workplace does help to treat all kinds of disappointments and challenges.
Ways to build confidence: Praise your performance
Women usually turn their attention in the opposite direction. We squint at our faults and uneasiness, and we believe that we are doomed to failure based on weird reasons. When we succeeded, we should have enjoyed the praise, but instead we went into the shadows and looked at our own achievements with cold eyes, as if we had never seen ourselves succeed. Many times the focus should be on "we", but there are many times when we should return from "we" to "me". You really need to build your own valuable value in the company, and sometimes even need to boast of yourself, which helps the performance of the workplace, and just listen to your own achievements to boost confidence.
Most of us would rather suppress ourselves than to praise ourselves, but this is harmful in many ways. Even if we just want to take our own achievements in front of others, it will be harmful. It is equivalent to telling ourselves that we are not worthy of success. This will not only affect how we view ourselves, but also how others perceive us. I remember that the supervisor would like the subordinates to be competent and want to hear what we have done. In addition, if we devalue our existing achievements, the future will easily become more difficult to overcome.
We must find ways to accept the praise of others, to recognize our achievements, not to laugh at them, to be lucky, to continue to belittle ourselves. Keep it simple if necessary. When someone praises you, you may wish to answer: "Thank you." Just say so. I will find out that this sentence will bring power.
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